Game of Thrones, episode 1×05

17 May

So, we’re halfway through the season!

Wow, so this episode had no Dany and no Jon and LO, IT WAS GLORIOUS. Sigh. I wish we could have this every week. ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THE INTRIGUE. And OK Tyrion is amusing and Catelyn is not completely made of fail in this version, so we’ll let them stay as well.

Dany

OK not really Dany, but wow, we basically find out in episode 5 that Jorah is spying on Dany for Robert? I know there were hints before but… IDK, in the books the whole ~big reveal~ was where Jorah was Dany’s (annoying) OMG WISE OLDER ADVISOR the only link to her Westeros roots, the only white dude who ever treated her right and helped her, AND THEN SHE FINDS OUT HE’S A FUCKING TRAITOR who’s been selling her out and it’s kind of a GIANT BIG DEAL. And we find out with her, obvs. I was sort of waiting for the epic subversion of the condescending white dude advisor character :/

Bran

I wanted to JUMP UP AND DOWN ON THE COUCH IN GLEE. OH MY FUCKING GOD.


“SO, IF CATELYN’S SO INTO PROTECTING HER FAMILY, WHY IS SHE NOT WITH HER FAMILY?”

BRAN BB, A QUESTION THE REST OF US HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

I just, I have no words for how much I love the fact that the writers basically inserted THE POV OF MYSELF AND ALL MY FRIENDS into this show via that Bran scene. I mean, later books, blah blah, whatever, the point is: AHAHAHAHAHA YES.

Arya

AHAHAHA I really wanted a cap of her chasing the cat but I couldn’t snap one. AHAHAHAHA <333 Her and the cats will never not be priceless. And this scene where's all EXCUSE ME SON DO YOU NEED ME TO BITCHSLAP YOU ALL THE WAY TO TUESDAY ahahaha FIRCE ARYA IS FIERCE.

Littlefinger

<333333333333333 *___________________* LITTLEFINGER.

Oh, oh, oh but I do love this show for taking Petyr all the way. For giving him that scene where Varys is basically "so, Lord Petyr, do you happen to sell children into sexual slavery and profit as a result?" and Petyr's like "Yes, yes I do in fact!" Because. THAT IS PETYR. THAT IS WHO HE IS. There is no one, NO ONE who understands the words "dirty hands" better than him, and Petyr is ABSOLUTELY the most disillusioned, realistic person in that universe, way more than Tyrion even. He has no illusions about himself or the world, no ideology. He merely wishes to survive and knows based on personal experience that you either do or get done by, there is no third.

And what makes Petyr INTERESTING to me, his one vital character flaw, is his… strong fondness for Catelyn Stark. Because if there was anyone unsuited for Petyr, it’s her. Especially in the books, but on the show as well. CAN YOU IMAGINE someone like Catelyn being with someone like Petyr? NOT IN A MILLION YEARS, she is almost the antithesis to everything he is, in part because she’s so privileged and sheltered whereas he grew up as something between an outsider and a servant boy.

And I just love that ultimately, with all his realism, the fantasy that is Catelyn Stark is what Petyr wants. Desperately, passionately. It’s like he won’t even admit to himself why it is he’s so into her, and I can’t help but feel Catelyn is like his desire to be someone other than himself. Maybe someone who didn’t have to do quite the things he’s done to be where he is. Not that he regrets any of it, not that he feels guilty, but wouldn’t it be nice to be born into power and wealth and never having to so much as ponder getting your hands dirty? That’s Catelyn to him, and it is just FASCINATING to me how fixated he is on that.

Anyway, no spoilers, but for those who’ve read the books, I AM SO HAPPY that the show establishes who Petyr is so well so early on because I think some of the things that will happen later (related to a certain young person) will have the appropriate edge to them, now that we have no doubts about who this guy is. Because he is brilliant, and he can be a wonderful teacher, but his lessons come with a PRICE.

LOL, the council meeting where Ned quits, I loved that scene. I loved Petyr’s “he’s not a traitor, he’s a slaver, there’s a difference,” because that is how Petyr thinks of himself. There’s a difference between acts of ideology (such as treason) and acts of business/commerce (such as selling slaves or prostituting children) and the two should not be confused. Ideology can be judged by moral codes, but commerce can not. Petyr is truly the ultimate capitalist, isn’t he? ahahaha

Ned

OH, OH, MY DEAR. I loved when Varys, at the same council meeting, was like “LORD STARK, LET ME EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU USING SMALL WORDS: sometimes when we RULE, we have to do things that we think are NOT VERY NICE.” I mean it was almost comical, how child-like Ned was. JFC JFC.

One of the few men of honor in the capital indeed, Ned. There’s a reason for that you know, the capital EATS MEN OF HONOR ALIVE.

Speaking of which, I actually do think it’s a bit silly, even for Ned, to care so much about killing Dany. Seriously. She’s not an infant, she’s like 14. What, if she were 17 you’d be ok with it but now she’s ~just a child~? She really is a very, very real threat to the realm, married or no, child or no, but ESPECIALLY now. It’s not like Robert’s exaggerating, any idiot can rally around her and her brother, nevermind her child who will rule an army, and pose a threat. Like, of all people surely Ned doesn’t want another war. Of course, if Robert had any brains he’d dismiss Ned for a day, order Dany’s execution and simply never tell Ned about it, but you know. IF PEOPLE HAD BRAINS.

Loras & Renly

Man, I was really apprehensive about their scenes initially. Because, from various things the creators of the show said I got the impression they were maybe going to try and hold Loras & Renly as their “NO NO REALLY, WE’RE PROGRESSIVE AND OPEN MINDED, LOOK HOW PROGRESSIVE AND OPEN MINDED WE ARE” card. Because they’d done shity with the misogyny and the racism by by God if they could get two hot white boys to make out on screen in the least threatening way possible, they’d have their golden pass.


But I mean, the “trouble” with this show is that even when it’s failing, the writing and acting is just so damn fucking good. So, on the one hand I’m totally smitten with Loras and Renly (Loras especially, since Renly’s meant to be a bit of a prat and is, in this version, although I suspect people who hadn’t read the books would by no means see Loras as a lesser brat at this point). I think the scene works brilliantly in conveying SO MUCH in so little time. Loras’ attitude of being exhausperated at people thinking he has a “gift” when he merely thinks of himself as someone who works really really hard to be as good of a knight as he is. Renly’s careless exasperation about his brother’s actions and at the same time coddled, spoiled nature and a lack of desire/ability to do anything. And throughout, the intimate nature of Loras and Renly’s emotional relationship (the way they talk about the most personal and the most trivial things so comfortably) and the physical intimacy of the shaving (seriously, WHERE did that come from?).

I loved it. LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT. I loved Loras being all politically strategic and wanting to take the place of the Lannisters. It’s a good indication of how the rest of house Tyrell really feels at this point – they’re the real competition for the Lannisters, in every way, and it makes sense that Loras (who’s the youngest of his siblings, I think?) lets it slip so casually and has sort of been long pondering the injustice of being out of the main politicking sphere.

On the other hand, the fact that Renly is basically the “sissy baby brother” and the scene is of Loras shaving him – SERIOUSLY, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? – …IDK. I’m not well versed in this stuff enough to be able to tell, but some of that felt a bit “stereotypes about gay men! we have them!” I mean I’m all for the shaving! Don’t get me wrong (no really, ALL FOR, the more bingo squares we get the happier I am) but. In this context, IDK. Like why Loras, of all people, with that particular preference?

Also, I suspect this is the only sex scene we’re going to get with them this season, I feel the need to compare and contrast it with the scene (that wasn’t even a sex scene!) of Dany and her slave girl. YOU TELL ME which was meant to arouse and which was meant to merely convey information about the characters. I’M JUST SAYING, the fact that the POV of this show is ultimately straight white cis dude is… very, very plain to me.

Cersei

I REALLY HAVE NO WORDS FOR HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS CERSEI. NO WORDS.

Basically, whatever this show does, THIS SHOW GAVE ME CERSEI. And it’s not even the Cersei of the books who we see through various filters, it’s MOTHERFUCKING CERSEI, for real, with her own POV, who is AMAZING, BADASS FUCKING AMAZING. I just. THERE IS A “LADYBONER” GIF THAT I WILL SPARE YOU, BUT IMAGINE IT POPPING INTO MY HEAD EVERY TIME CERSEI STATS TALKING LEGISLATIVE CHANGES OR SIEGE EQUIPMENT OR WHATEVERTHEFUCK.

OMFG X_X This is like, actually the Cersei of my dreams, only better. I just don’t even know.




I think my favorite part is how in this version they actually gave Robert and her that first child who died (I’m still not sure I’m buying the story of how he died, but let’s go with it for now) and what it basically amounts to is Cersei, at 17, actually being really fond of Robert. Actually honestly trying to give this a chance, hoping for this new start, this new life, being queen, having everything, fulfilling what her mother had always wanted for her, achieving this huge goal.

And instead she got Robert. Who, even then, was an asshole, and a drunkard, and had no head for politics or finesse, who not only didn’t love her but didn’t like her either and saw no point in pretending. Who over time grew to enjoy humiliating and abusing her in his little ways (as he enjoys doing to all the Lannisters). Because he owed it to her father, because he was still grieving for Lyanna, the girl he WANTED and COULDN’T HAVE and all the other frustrations in his life got poured into that one, unchangeable fact.

And then they had the child and it died, and some time after that Cersei had to stop tryng. Stop hoping. Lose all the illusions she might have had left and try to salvage what she could. Build a real life, however flawed, however complex, instead of the fairytale she’d been promised.

It’s funny how her life really does mirror Catelyn, except Catelyn got unreasonably lucky (we’ll stop here, for fear of spoilers) and it kind of changed everything.

And just. That conversation, THAT BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT SCENE, where 17 years later Cersei comes to Robert and asks, “was there ever any hope at all? Was there ever anything I could have done? Any turning point I missed?” and he goes “no, there was never any hope.” And she just sits there and tells it was purely intellectual curiosity, because knowing one or the other doesn’t make her feel anything anymore.

And I just $T#$%YT%$Y%$^U%RU&Y FLAIL

Jaime

I’m sorry, I’m just enjoying how utterly, utterly perfect Jaime’s casting is. I mean, look at this bitch:



He is just SUCH A PERFECT CUT OUT FROM THE COVER OF A ROMANCE NOVEL, I can’t even. PERFECT perfect casting. Can’t wait till Brianne gets here *whistles*

Also also, when are we getting him and Loras on screen together? COME ON THAT SCENE IS COMING, GIVE IT HERE.

Theon

OK I guess we should talk about that whole thing? I loved Roz, I hope we get more of her. “If you don’t want to pay for it, get yourself a wife!” AHAHAHAA indeed. But Theon is… it’s hard for me to separate this Theon from what I know of Theon from later books. And I mean, let’s just say, I love Theon purely because of the people we get to meet because of him, later, but on his own I… enjoyed seeing him get owned. Lots. I hope we get more of that.

random caps


Sceeeeenery


Catelyn realizes everyone she’s related to is a moron and wonders (at last) what that says about her.


Ooooh I really loved this, to BITS.


LOLOL Petyr’s dress here kills me. FRESH FROM THE WHOREHOUSE EH LORD BAELISH? Petyr’s basically always chilling with a hookah while the rest of these fools joust or whatever.


I would like to point out that this person is wearing at least 3 layers of clothing in what is the basically THE SOUTH OF ITALY where it’s been summer for NINE YEARS. I just. WHAT WERE THE DESIGNERS THINKING?! Everyone looks bloody RIDICULOUS!


Hee, I loved this little detail of the dude putting his white cloak on. Charming! 😀

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